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After a seven-week lay-off, North End Supporters FC aimed to bounce back from their last-gasp draw heartache at Crewe by putting a big Rotherham side to the sword. The Millers are newcomers to the league and their enthusiasm was evident from their 17-man squad.

As is usually the case, Preston were without a number of first team choices. Terry the Cat was playing with a ball of wool, whilst Andy Watt had injured his ankle chasing schoolkids around the playground. Don Herd was absent due to his decision to attend his works Christmas Party at Stringfellows.

The visitors team spirit was lifted with Neil Higham opened his glove compartment to display his fine collection of pornographic literature, with Big Gay Al McCormick taking a keen interest.

The match kicked off 20 minutes late due to crowd congestion. A tense opening quarter of an hour saw the Millers in the ascendancy, with some powerful defending and spritely one-touch football on the bobbly surface. The festive spirit was in evidence as Mark Cassidy gave the ball away cheaply on the halfway line, and a slick passing move resulted in the home team taking the lead with a shot that gave keeper Rob Cick no chance.

The Whites responded within five minutes, and it was due to good work on the left between Mike Gostelow and Stewart Black. The United keeper came charging out of the box following the move down the wing and, under pressure from Steve Brennan, he planted the ball straight at Black's feet, who touched it to CASSIDY. He looked up and chipped the ball past the defender and keeper to level the scores.

Preston's confidence was growing and Craig Worthington, who had moved into the centre of defence, led the charge with an effort from outside the box that whistled past the post. Higham and Andy Whaley were both taking good positions on the right, with Chris Brennan pulling the strings in the centre of the park. However despite their best period of play North End fell behind again, and it was the age-old problem of failing to mark which proved their undoing as a free shot from inside the box found the net.

With the whites now trying to defend until the interval, Rotherham spurned a number of glorious chances, but finally bagged a third goal when a lack of communication in the centre resulted in Rotherham's tricky forward finishing off a fine move.

With just five seconds of the half left, Brennan kicked off by rolling the ball to CASSIDY. What happened next was pure football genius. The newly-blonde-streaked striker launched the ball towards goal from inside his own half. Rotherham's keeper let out a cry of "Its going wide", only to be told by his defender that "It fucking isn't", and the ball sailed over the entire United team and into the net a la Macken and Beckham. The Whites went ballistic, and the crowd agreed that this was a moment that they would compare to when Kennedy was shot and when Princess Diana was killed - they would all remember where they were at 12.05pm on the 15th December. The half-time whistle blew, and Big Fat Cass was so overcome that he disappeared into the changing room to have a wank.

The second half saw Preston in a more positive mood, although the opening 10 minutes were tight with chances at either end. The most stunning effort came from the magnificent Worthington, who's right-footed shot from outside the box cannoned onto the inside of the post and bounced across the goalmouth and away to safety.

It wasn't long before Preston were on level terms with the brothers Brennan heavily involved in the move that led to a fine cross from the right being met at the far post by substitute Karl BROWN, who tapped into the goal. Brown's celebration cry of "YESSSSS, ITS MY FIRST GOAL FOR TWO FUCKIN' YEARS, FUCK OFF YOU FUCKERS" drew polite applause from the appreciative home crowd, as the bald-headed nutcase galloped down the field doing his best David Pleat impression.

Even better was to come, when Worthington's fine centre was missed by the goalkeeper and Stevie BRENNAN used his muscular frame to charge the keeper off the ball in true Nat Lofthouse style before slotting home. The home side protested, but Brennan was already on his celebration lap.

Straight from the restart the reds levelled. Slack marking on the left and a free shot again made the score 4-4. Rotherham weren't finished there, and their brick-shithouse of a centre-half made it 5-4 moments later with the defence all at sea again.

Chris Reed did his best to lift morale by steamrollering one of their players into the air. Peter Knowles returned to the fray and the player-manager showed he had not lost any of his finesse, but had not lost any pounds either.

With Gostelow moved up onto the left wing and McCormick making a few advances (to the watching Navy boys), Rotherham all but wrapped up the points with a sixth goal. But North End are not a team to lay down and die, and a good move down the right saw interplay between Gostelow and Cassidy before Steve "Sniffer" BRENNAN poached another goal to take his tally to 5 goals in 3 matches.

The final whistle came all too soon and a thrilling match was brought to an end, as Read returned to the showers to point his cold hose at his teammates. The many travelling supporters will be hoping that 2002 brings a first win of the season.

Man of the match: Craig Worthington